Slow start to the week

Well, I spent much of Monday on getting things lined up to get home from Idaho.  No time or energy left to stop by at the gym before bed.
Tuesday I started my day with volunteer time in my daughter's class.  I then joined her for school lunch.  My tummy still didn't feel well as a result of whatever I had this weekend.  After eating lunch with R, the plan was to go work-out at the gym.  Once leaving the school though, I sat in my car and called my mom for about half of an hour.  I was kind of debating whether to skip the work-out for the day because of not feeling well.  In the end I decided to give it a try, but instead of trying for 60-90 minutes, I would allow myself to stop for the day after just 30.  I felt good about that because I was weighing the trouble I have with not following through on an exercise program.  I did so and ended up staying on the elliptical machine long enough to burn 300 calories in all.  (just over 30 minutes this time.)
Here's some of what was going on in my head while having a bit of conversation with mom about other topics not related to exercise.

I figured that it's always very easy to come up with valid reasons to skip exercise.  That's one of the reason's I'm currently so overweight and out of shape.  I'm good at talking myself out of doing what I need to get/stay fit.  So, I sat there in my car... gabbing with my mom about whatever... all-the-while trying to come up with good reasons to go to the gym in spite of not feeling all that well.
1- Time at the gym is "me" time.  It's time I've set aside every day so I can take steps to love me more.  I love that I'm doing something to fix something I don't like about myself.  I love that I'm doing it on my own without relying on someone else in any way.  I love that I'm doing it without having been told to do so.  This is 100% by me, for me.
2- I am in control of stopping when and if I need to during a work-out.  If I try to work out and it makes me feel worse, I can stop for that day.  It's allowed.  I can also adjust my daily exercise amount to fit how I feel.  if I plan on 60 minutes but I still feel like I have a bit more in me that day, I can switch machines and add another 30-45.  If I plan on 60 minutes and I feel fatigued with my first step... I can re-adjust the time on the machine down to 30 or 40 minutes to compensate for my level of tired/sore/exhaustion/etc.
3- Consistency is the goal... not perfection.  I need to go every day on the way home from dropping Rebecca off.  I need to not double-schedule that time.  I need to do this even when I am tired, bored, stressed, depressed, lonely, hungry, etc.  The list of things I can think up to talk myself out of it is endless.  I have made this commitment to myself and if I can keep it, I will be able to lose weight, get fit, and live a more full life.  In my current state of non-fitness, I avoid things I'd like to do because I'm simply too weak, too sore, too tired, too out-of-breath, too unable to do them.  I'd like to do cross-country skiing, rock climbing, canoeing, spelunking, hiking, bike-riding, etc.  If I'm out of shape, I can't do these things as easily and I don't enjoy them as much when I do them because of the suffering brought on by fatigue.  Taking regular "baby steps" toward my goals is the only way to get there and the only way to get there is to actually take the step of "go to the gym."
4- If I lose weight, I can buy a wardrobe I'll enjoy shopping for clothes again because I might be able to find clothes that fit again.  Shopping in plus sizes is very limiting, not to mention frustrating.
5- My daughter loves me.  I love her.  If I continue to let my health deteriorate, I might not be around for her as long as she needs me to be.  This is very scary indeed.  This causes tears and sadness.  If I'm not able to take these baby steps for me, I need to take them for my baby.
6- I know it's possible.  I've seen other people turn their lives around by taking these same steps.  I see that it's not easy.  I see that everyone struggles with it and that this is normal.  But, most important, I am inspired by those in my life who have taken control and done what needed doing.
7- Apparently, by doing this and blogging about it, I have the ability to possibly inspire others to take similar steps.  I love being able to help other people... and if going to the gym each day will help anyone else to also make progress toward their fitness goals, I want to do so.
8- I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror or have my picture taken.  Yes, I'm cute enough... but honestly how the hell did my arms get so saggy, flabby, fat?  Is that really how big my ass is?  My ankles and feet seem to be swelling on occasion... and I think it may be related to weight and/or diet.  I want that to go away, I used to have cute little ankles.    
9- My thighs rub together when I walk and I wear through my jeans first in the area where my thighs rub.  This is disturbing.  I do not like this.
10- Sex isn't as fun when I'm not in shape, flexible, strong, limber, fit, etc.  That right there is reason enough to want to go to the gym every chance I get.
11- Bacon.  You may ask why I put this on the list.  You could actually substitute "Chocolate" or possibly "Butter" in place of bacon.  I'm sure you have a word that would apply here.  Let me just say... I don't want to have to completely give up the good things in life... and that means food that is bad for me.  If I can eat a fairly well-balanced diet and exercise enough... I can still occasionally eat the things that really send a rush of endorphins through my body and give me a high by consuming them.  I don't want to give up Bacon, damnit!

There may be more reasons to have gone, but I was able to successfully find many reasons that made it better to go to the gym even with my stomach feeling sore and somewhat queasy than to skip one day and go home to nap.  I hope these reasons are able to help me through difficult times in the future.

I'm glad that in the end I found a way to compromise with myself.  By changing my goal for that day from 90 minutes down to 30, I was able to do a work-out that didn't kill me and in so doing, I kept my promise to myself.  I felt much better because of having gone than I would have if I'd skipped it.  Plus, I learned that sometimes just taking time to properly weigh my choices will help me to make the right one.

Today, I was again feeling tired and exhausted.  I went to the gym anyway.  I got in a workout that was just over 60 minutes.  I stopped just after I reached 600 calories.  I also spent about 2 1/2 hours on my feet chopping veggies and fruit for the school cafeteria.  Standing burns more than sitting... and I know that I spend a large amount of my life sitting... so the change to volunteering in the cafeteria once per week will add a few extra un-counted calories being burned just because for those hours I'm standing.

Over-and-out...  more to come soon.  I hope tomorrow goes well.  I'm joining my daughter's class on a field trip.  It's one that will involve walking and standing quite a bit... so there will be some built-in calorie expense there, but I'll also do my best to stop by the gym on the way home from that so as to get in some exercise.

On a completely different topic, my daughter now has ringworm.  This is not good news.  I'm dealing with it, but in general it sucks and might take quite a while to get rid of, even with the proper prescription anti-fungal creme which costs $306.  I'm not sure if insurance will cover any of it.  *sigh*  Money sucks.  Perhaps one day I'll be strong enough in my life to conquer money issues as well.  I sure hope so!